This summer, I am going to be attending a five-week intensive music program at Berklee College of Music in Boston. On its website, I was asked to rate my skill level, check off my musical interests, and the courses I hope to take. I had no clue what to write down for any of these. What's my skill level? I guess if I play any instrument, it would be the piano or keyboard, but I mainly use it as a means for composing. I guess I "started" playing it around six old when my family purchased a piano, which quickly became my best friend. Some of my earliest memories involve me doing anything from banging on the piano to repeatedly playing single notes at a time and just listening to their sounds. I also remember sitting beside my mother, who took lessons at the time, and trying to memorize the songs she'd play. I only really started taking legitimate piano lessons in high school, from an ageless and squeaky Taiwanese woman who could have been half my size, and I'm not sure how much progress I really made in that short amount of time. People tell me I'm talented when they hear me play, but I've never felt confident about it. I often think I can just fake talent. I just selected "intermediate" and quickly moved on.
Now, for my musical interests. The choices included, songwriting, composing, film scoring, producing and engineering, music education, music and business, and performance. Right away I knew I didn't want to be one of those singer/songwriter musicians, and I figured the business of music would depress me too much. So, I quickly crossed those options off. But, the next cut wasn't so easy. All of the remaining options had their own appeal. Obviously composing is something I love doing, but a composer doesn't exactly seem like a plausible profession for someone looking to make a decent living. The same is true for performance. I'd LOVE to be in a band playing music I enjoy, but the financial risk is too high. Film scoring and producing/engineering are two legitimate career choices with a lot to offer, but I don't think I could possibly muster enough passion for either of them. This choice felt like it had a much deeper meaning than just selecting my interests for a summer program. It felt like a fork in my musical road. Which road should I take? Should I take the risky but fun route, or the safe path with meager excitement? I clicked the button that said "composing." I'm young.
If I'm to do this music thing for my profession in my life, I better have a clear-cut chosen musical interest, a plan for success, and a sense of awareness of my skill level. Hopefully by the end of this five-week program, my musical identity will become clearer to me.
